 |
| S loves taking photos with my phone |
E: Are you and Kate sisters?
Me: No, we're married...It's like sisters. We love each other very much and live together -
S: I knew it!!!
Me: - but we didn't grow up together.
E: Oh, okay.
Then they ran away to the jungle gym and we played freeze tag. I had never come out to a child before. It was kind of awesome.
That day was magical. It was two days after our pre-placement meeting with the girls and we waited - not very patiently - for them in the park. Once they spotted us, they came running up and hugged Kate and me. Their foster mom said they were looking forward to seeing us again.
We saw them at the park yesterday as well. We rallied other children to play freeze tag with us and we ran and climbed. I discovered that I love playing with kids - they come with few expectations of how things should work and are great at being silly. I especially love playing with E and S.
Before, I thought I was lucky to find Kate, that it could have been another person perfect for me, but I just happened to find Kate early in life. Now I understand it to be fate. I feel like E and S are our bashert, our family soul mates. They're silly, thoughtful, and just overall perfect for us. I can't explain it, but I feel so lucky to be able to have them as our kids soon. I feel even luckier because the foster-adopt system is not easy to navigate and we really had no idea who these children were until after we said "yes."
Unfortunately, this process comes with two scoops of flexibility with a flexible cherry on top. We are in control of very little and have very limited information about what we should expect. It's frustrating, and made harder trying to explain this over and over again without being negative about our overworked social workers who are loyal to a system that has children's best interests at heart, but not necessarily an individual child's best interest.
There are a lot of questions about this process, from us and from you. Many of these questions we can't answer (which frustrates us very much!) So, here are the questions you have asked, and the limited responses we can give:
How old are they?
Seven and eight, both in second grade. We don't know why they're both in second grade.
What is the timeline?
There are a few things that make this question so difficult to answer. First, the timeline is set by the children - in theory. We move at the pace they're ready to move. We call and report in periodically to let the social workers know how everything is going. Second, the move to our place must be determined by a court. After the social workers agree that we should move forward with E and S, they put a request into the court for the move. This should be just a few weeks, but it's 1) the court, and 2) during the holidays, so we don't know how long it will take.
We do have some (not a complete) idea of how the actual meetings go, though:
Disclosure meeting (done): Learn more about the children and why they were taken from their bio home (this does not include a lot of information)
Pre-placement meeting (done): Meet the children with their placement social worker, regular social worker, foster mom, and your social worker (but only in theory. Our social worker stayed home.)
Worldly meetings (started): Meet the children out in the world. In our case, a playground. Let the girls get to know you and feel more comfortable with you. Increase time with them.
Home meeting (this week): Take the children to your home to get familiar with the space.
Overnight visit: Girls spend the night at our place
We then get to tell the social workers we want them, really, and she requests to the court permission for placement!! This takes a few weeks.
Continue to have overnight and "worldly" meetings until they get to come and live with us forever and ever (or until they're 18.)
After they're placed with us, it will be at least a year until their adoption. This, again, will go through the courts and takes time.
We hope to have the girls in our care by late December, but it could be early January, depending on court timelines and our own schedule.
Do they like animals?
We really hope so. They haven't been around animals much before.
What do they look like? What is their race?
They are bi-ethnic, Hispanic and Caucasian. We can't tell you what they look like - or post photos on Facebook or other public mediums - while they're still foster children (which will be until they're legally adopted by us.)
Why were they in foster care? How long were they in foster care? Were they exposed to drugs? Do they have any health problems?
These questions are ones we cannot answer. This sort of information are for our children to share when they're ready, not us. It is their story and we cannot tell it for them. We can tell you that they're two wonderful, resilient girls who are currently without major medical problems.
When can I meet them?
We don't know yet. We have to take everything on the girls' cue. We're so lucky to have a large family and community, which can be overwhelming for anyone, especially two children. We're excited to invite you to play with us when they're ready.
Are they Jewish? Are they baptized? Are they Catholic? What will happen when you take away Christmas?
As foster children, the girls have a right to have their own religion. They will live in our home, a Jewish home, and we hope to celebrate with them the amazing holidays of the Jewish calendar. At the same time, they have grown up with Christmas and we don't want to take that experience away from them. We will celebrate Christmas - and possibly other Christian holidays - outside our home with family and friends who are not Jewish. If we have them in time for Christmas this year, we hope to celebrate it with the girls' (stable) biological family.
What can I do to help?
It's really touching how many of you have asked to help. It's hard to say what we'll need right now. A registry will be coming once we get a better sense of what they like/don't have. It makes us feel so loved that you want to share in our joy too. Thank you!
No comments:
Post a Comment