Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Lech Lecha: What to ask before entering a covenant?

Lech Lecha was last week's parsha. I am sorry for the tardiness!




The newborn passed from one generation to the next, cradled by love and strong arms. Even though the ceremony had just begun, tears were already rushing down my cheeks. Before me was the miracle of life and love. The child was about to come before the congregation to share in the covenant of the Jewish people (circumcision) and receive his name, and I felt so honored to be part of the community, ready to receive him. I am amazed at this moment and so grateful I was able to share in it. Thank you, Noah, for this moment. Noah, may you always be awash with love, strong enough to sail towards justice, and smart enough to choose the righteous path.

In Lech Lecha Abraham accepted his covenant with G!d and circumcised himself. (Can you imagine?! I was glad the mohel's back shielded me from Noah's...) Abraham was able to accept his own religion; at ninety-nine he had the autonomy and consciousness to determine his religious destiny. But a newborn? How can we expect a newborn to be in a covenant with G!d when he hasn't yet figured out how to hold up his head?

"They" say that the baby and G!d are like virgin lovers on their wedding night. Before they know one another, they passionately make a vow to be together until the end of time. Like a good marriage, the covenant is a binding partnership in this world and the world to come.

I have a great marriage that began with a proposal three and half months after dating. I am not afraid of commitment, but I am afraid of choosing our child. Paralyzed by imperfect information, I am afraid that my choice will jeopardize my hard-won happiness. So often I flit between choices, afraid that another choice would have made me happier. I like to try on my options before committing, but in the child search process you have to make a lifelong decision after one meeting...without first knowing the child.

And this lifelong decision might be getting closer.

Our home study was accepted and we will be going to a disclosure meeting in the next few weeks. At the disclosure meeting, we will learn everything the social worker knows about the two second grade girls we picked out three weeks ago. They could be everything we were looking for, but I have no idea how to know.

What questions do you ask to find out if these kids are the kids for you? 

After the disclosure meeting, we go home and think about the kids. If we say "yes" then those are the kids that will come into our home. We'll be matched and the girls will likely be our adoptive kids in a year or two. How do you figure out if the kids are right for you? What would you ask? 

I am ready to make a binding promise, but I don't know how to say "yes." I don't know when or why I should say yes, or what I should know before going forward. I am ready for a covenant, a passionate family vow, but how do I choose the right child(ren)?

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