Friday, October 10, 2014

V'Zot HaBerachah: Bright and curious with a good sense of humor

My dreams were chaotic last night, featuring expulsions, unconquered and unknown. I woke up tired, unready for the day, but the day came regardless. I dressed, ate breakfast, and left the house with sleep still in my spirit. Kate and I went to the Family Builder's office to look at profiles of children new to the foster/adoption system.

Sitting in the conference room, my heart was guarded. Just a few weeks ago, we had chosen four profiles. Two children were taken off the "market" and one we decided wasn't the right fit for us. We still have not heard back from the other social worker about the other 11 year old. I was not hopeful that today would be any more fruitful.

The new profiles aren't marked and so you try to figure out if we've seen "Sarah" or "Jacob" before, or was it a kid who looked like Sarah, who liked reading like Jacob. We quickly skipped past the more familiar pictures, and read the profiles of the less familiar ones.

Just like in trying to get pregnant, there is a rhythm in trying to adopt. Every month there are new kids from the "exchange meetings," where social workers trade family and children profiles, trying to make a match. After these exchange meetings, the profiles are brought back to the office and we go into this conference room to find out if there's a kid for us. If there's a kid we're interested in, our social worker submits our home study for the kid. And then we wait.

Except, today we didn't wait. We had asked our social worker a number of questions about this one child, and she diligently followed up with the kid's social worker. After answering our questions, she said, "The social worker is more than willing to accept your home study." And we said yes. We submitted our home study (and expect it to be accepted soon) for a child. She's a 9 year old girl who is bright and curious with a great sense of humor, according to her profile.

This week we'll celebrate Simchat Torah. We will have reached the end of the Torah and immediately after concluding, we will begin it anew by reading the first chapter, describing the creation of the world. Even in endings, the world never ends. Even after social workers have said "no," there is still a social worker who will say "yes." After infertility, there's still creation. After death, there is still life. After an end, there is a new beginning.

Because social workers said no to our family, we can now say yes to a bright and curious girl with a good sense of humor. Next, we hope, is a disclosure meeting where we learn all about her - why she was placed in foster care, what she's like, what she wants. Life keeps moving forward, always. That is the pesky reality of life.

This month we asked our social worker to submit our home study for six different children's profiles. Later, our social worker called to let us know that we can only submit for four different profiles. There's a rule that we weren't told - you can only submit for one profile per county (to show your interest in THAT child.) Just another bump in the ever-bureaucratic bumpy road.

But in the mean time there's a 9 year old girl, who is bright and curious with a great sense of humor, who we will be able to move forward with.

We also are interested in seven other children. There's the defiant 9 year old who loves to sing and dance. There's the sibling set, 7 and 8 year old girls, who are both bright and outgoing. There's the adorable, active, and sweet 5 and 7 year old boys. There's the young 12 year old girl who loves animals. There's the cute 6 year old, dressed in a tutu, ready for more structure in her life.

Some of these children we have some questions about. Some of them have siblings that aren't currently up for adoption, and we don't want to take a child hours away from their brothers or sisters. One is Native American. We are sensitive to the cultural history of White families forcibly taking Native children. We don't have any connections to Native traditions, and don't want to perpetuate racist adoption policies.

But for each child there will be questions. Today, right now, I'm going to celebrate a small victory - getting our home study submitted for a bright and curious 9 year old with a good sense of humor. I'm going to celebrate a life that continually presents me a new way to start anew. Chag sameach! (Happy holiday!)

A NOTE: Our "yes" at this point means that we have declared our interested in the child and nothing more. If our home study is accepted (as it sounds like it will be) that means that we will have a disclosure meeting, where we learn all about the kid. After a disclosure meeting, Kate and I then decide if we would like to move forward with the child. If we say yes at that point, then that's our kid (barring any unexpected judicial intervention). So, right now, it's a qualified yes. It's a yes, please give me more information. 

1 comment:

  1. No matter what happens, your child will choose you, and become part of our family. Could it get any better than this? Enjoy the process...it's part of the journey, right?

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