Turning 27: Babies, abortions, and elementary school

Walking away from the kids’ elementary school, I cried and jumped for joy. I had just registered the girls for second grade at my top pick elementary school, and I couldn’t believe how lucky we were. I was also anxious, fearful of my first long separation from the girls since their placement a week before, but excited for some much-needed alone time.

Shortly I will turn 27 and it is incredible to me that I now am a parent to two elementary-school-aged children. As my friends are getting married and having babies, I am encouraging reading to two budding bookworms, teaching a love of arts and crafts, and trying to get them to talk about their feelings.

I came into my mother’s life as a screaming baby when she was 28 years old. I was not a planned addition to my parents’ life, unlike my brother who appeared six years later. They have since divorced, since children cannot hold together a relationship forever.

I had an on-again, off-again boyfriend and I too became accidentally pregnant. He wanted to have the baby, get married, and buy a house. I have always had a gift for knowing myself and knowing what I wanted, and I knew that I didn’t want that baby and I didn’t want to marry him. We stayed on-again, off-again after the abortion – him still wanting to marry me, me still refusing – until we were really off-again a year later.

If I had had that baby, that fetus would turn seven this year. Fetus would be a first grader. I would be a mother of an elementary-school-aged child.

But I wouldn’t be a mother to S and E, and I wouldn’t be with Kate, and I wouldn’t own a house in Berkeley. My life wouldn’t be this magical oasis it is today. I worked hard for this oasis, but I am still incredulous at the success of my hard work. I am incredulous at how wonderful E and S are, how much I adore Kate, how happy I am every day as we fulfill our daily routines – grocery shopping, cooking, reading.

Life works out in funny ways. Seven years ago I knew I was not ready for motherhood. Now I am ready for it, and I have a 7 and 8 year old to care for. Parenthood is amazing – I really love it so far – and it’s exhausting and constricting. I am ready for all aspects of it, and I am so excited for the year to come, what the future offers, and how we’ll tackle things as a family. I am so grateful for my parents’ guidance – my dad, mom, and bonus mom – and the loving household I was raised in. This is the first year of many (G-d willing) that we are parents, and I’m thrilled to see what is in store.