Behaalotecha: Raising Light

This summer feels so busy. Days after finals, Kate and I left for New Orleans, and after we returned she went back to work, and I started my new job. At night, we continue to rearrange our home to become kid-ready or sit down and watch one of our new favorite shows, The Office. Every morning I drag myself from bed, spiritually exhausted from the day before. I make promises to myself about the day to come - taking time to read, eating well, getting enough sleep - but I break the promises as easily as I make them. 

The child-to-come is not in my mind as much as s/he's in my heart. My heart bursts with anticipation, but my brain is calculated and calm. This week we began the final process before the child-picking process - the home study! As we get closer to "search," my daily tasks are in preparation for our lives to change completely, even as I mentally leave room for the possibility of the timeline extending many more months. But even as I keep the unknown child close, I fail to take care of myself - a necessity as a busy parent (I hear).

In this week's parsha, G-d tells Aaron to "raise light" in the sanctuary's menorah. The Lubavitcher Rebbe says that the spiritual significant of the mitzvah of lighting the menorah is that a person should be a "lamplighter" who ignites the latent potential within "the soul of man, a lamp of G-d." He taught that the lamplighter should ignite a flame so that it "arises of its own accord," making the other a self-sufficient luminary, so that the new flame should kindle the light in others.

Prior to having a child in our home, it's important for us to kindle our own fires as brightly as possible. The road ahead will not be easy, as we try to kindle love, self-sufficiency, and loving-kindness in our child. The brighter our flame is, the easier it will be to share it, so that our children can share their flame with the world. 

Tonight is Shabbat, and I look forward to the calmness that can invoke us during this special time. Turning off electronics, work, and non-community building life, it's a practice in being present in what's right in front of you and appreciating all the blessings you have. By growing that appreciation, I find myself being kinder to others, and refreshed to continue the hard work of repairing the world.

Shabbat Shalom!