Tuesday, March 11, 2014

You want what???

I married into a big family. Kate's mom is one of seven children. One of the best things about marrying Kate is her family - they're fantastic and huge, especially compared to my small family. (I have one cousin, if you count both sides of my family.) They're loving and wonderful, and I can't wait to have a large immediate family of my own.

For a year and a half Kate tried to get pregnant, a monthly, expensive roller coaster where you wonder if your body is portraying symptoms of pregnancy or PMS. Kate wanted to grow her own baby, but I've always wanted to adopt. (A watermelon out of my vagina? No thank you.) When Kate failed to get pregnant, we said we'd wait until I was done with law school to start the adoption process, but I've never been a very patient person, especially when it comes to things that tug at my heart. (Kate and I were engaged three months after we started dating.)

It's my first year of law school and it's awful. I'll finish, but I need something more than the future promise of a family to motivate me to continue this B.S. So we started the adoption process, and I can't wait for a child.

I've always thought that babies looked like little aliens. They act like ones too. They don't understand English, are new to gravity, and make noises I hate. I've always enjoyed "older" children more, and that's the type of kid(s) we'll be looking at.

As we've broken the news with family, their reaction has been mixed. Family has asked why we don't want a baby. They've said it's safer, better to get an infant who hasn't experienced emotional loss yet. Some have said they wish we'd reconsider. Others ask why I don't try to get pregnant. Some are just silent to the happy news. Their lack of approval is hard, especially because it feels so obvious to me that adopting an older child is exactly what I want to do.

With an "older" child (we're talking school age here), I feel like I can better know what I'm getting into. Their personality has already developed in part (ready for some Jewish and parental molding!), I know what they've been through, they can communicate their feelings (or, at least, what happened at school), and they have interests I can relate to. A baby, on the other hand, can't tell you if they're going to be dull or smart, interested in drawing or shooting guns, if they'll hate living a Jewish life or will love it. Plus, if my life is any sort of an example, childhood loss can make you a better person. And all I want to do is give lots of love to a gazillion children.

It took us over two months to finish our huge stack of paperwork, draw an outline of every room in our home, create an emergency plan, solicit references, and it was such a relief to send off that stack of papers. We've enrolled in an adoption training, and we'll be in "search" for a child soon, we hope. Being in search, of course, just means waiting for the right child to come along, so that could take two days or two years, but it's exciting all the same. We're starting the process to have a child!

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